Fat Steve's Blatherings

Friday, April 22, 2005

A Call to Action!

      Well, we've seen the problem: physicians kill 120,000 people every year.  Now, the question is, what do we do about it?

      As the history of social movements in the U.S. shows, the first thing to do is organize a political pressure group, because that is the only way I have a chance to score some really big bucks we get a permanent presence on the national scene.  So, I hearby announce the the formation of Physician Control, Inc, Stephen M. St. Onge, Founder and CEO.

      The ultimate goal of Physician Control, Inc. (PCI), is the complete elimination of doctors from private hands.  Obviously, the general public inherently misuses physicians.  We will not, however, trumpet this goal immediately because the public hasn't been sufficiently educated for this yet.  Besides, pressure the right legislators, and it won't matter what we claimed we were doing.

      PCI will of course have to raise large sums of money for public education and lobbying.  I've hired an expensive excellent professional fundraiser, S. Michael St. Onge, but we're going to need lobbyists.  Send me your resume and examples of succesful lobbying campaigns you've been involved in.  Salary negotiable.  Experience in bribery WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT required; videotape or recordings of the mark accepting the cash a definite plus.  Other open spots include members of the board of directors, (Steve St. Onge, Chairperson), Spokesperson, Chief Legal Advisor, Assistant Shysters, and members of our Distinguished Advisory Board.

      Our list of immediate goals is still open, and your suggestions are welcome!  Current ideas include:

      1) Patient licensing.  No one should be allowed to see a doctor without a health-care recipient license.  While we may have to make reluctant concessions to home health care, we insist that no one patronize a physician without first obtaining a license.  These should of course be discretionary licenses, issuable only if the local coroner thinks you need to see a doctor.  No appeals.

      2) Home health care safety.  As a reasonable and necessary first step, only one box of band-aids per month.  Mandatory child-safety locks on medicine cabinets are under study.

      3) Close the emergency room/clinic loophole.  Right now, most physicians operate out of offices and hospitals where an appointment is needed, and we keep an eye on them. But thousands of people per day slip through scrutiny as "walk-ins."  We must require appointments and health care recipient licenses for any ER/clinic client.

      4) Mandatory waiting periods for seeing a health professional.  We do not yet have firm statistics on the number of accidental, physician-induced deaths that would not take place if patients had to wait to see a doctor, but our director of research (S. M. "Fat Steve" St. Onge) has made some stuff up done some pleliminary estimates.  We think that a mere 24 mandatory delay before seeing a doctor would cut the present 120,000 a year death toll by at least 10%.  Just think what a delay of a week would do!

      5) Legal liability for manufacturers of physicians.  It isn't enough to hold doctors responsible for their killing.  By making the sources of doctors liable too, we can cut down on the number of physicians produced in the U.S.  Therefore, whenever a physician kills someone, we should be entitled to sue his medical school, the hospital where he interned, and of course his specialty organization.  Obviously, this will still leave a large number of dangerous physicians practicing for decades, but they do wear out eventually.  And fewer physicians obviously mean fewer physician caused deaths.

      We stress, these are only preliminary goals, and your ideas are needed.  We must and will end the physician menace.  You can start by donating to the cause, but even if you're cheap unable to give at this time, you can help by linking to this blog.  And remember to proudly display our motto:

THE HOUSE OF SAUD MUST BE DESTROYED -- AND WILL BE!

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE -- DOCTORS DO!

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