Fat Steve's Blatherings

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Alito Confirmation Hearings


        Jeff Goldstein is on the job, capturing the essence of the wisdom of the world's greatest deliberative body:

Biden: “Now, my question, if you’ll indulge me for a moment, is this: If you could — that is to say, were the medical technology available, and were you to find the Constitution silent on the matter under the concept of enumerated powers — would you be averse to ruling in favor of a state statute — say, from Mississippi, or some other pitiable redneck backwater — that allows for an interested local government, by legislative fiat, to take control of a woman’s uterus?”

Alito: “I’m not sure I understand the question, Senator.”

Biden: “Take control of it.  Take ownership.  Have it physically removed from her body so that the municipality can monitor it for appropriate, Godly, reproductive use.”

Alito: “You mean...like what, exactly?  Put it in a jar, or ...?”

Biden: “Consitutionally speaking, yes.  Certainly.  Or perhaps carry it around with them like tiny little uterus purses, ones that are roughly equivalent in size and function to the pouches of marsupials?  Only, you know—appropriately decorative, with sequins and buckles and piping and the like.”

Alito: “Why on earth would I want to do that?”

Biden: “With all due respect, Judge, please don’t dodge the question.  Will you or will you not allow hillbillies to take control of a woman’s uterus by removing it from her body and using it as a kind of mini-accesorized rucksack?  A simple yes or no will do, sir!”



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